Let's Talk About Anxiety

I think I have always been a worrier even as a kid. I can be shy in social situations and have never been the most confident person. Whether I am just more likely to suffer with anxiety because of my genetics or past experiences I don't know. Everyone will experience some kind of anxiety which is normal. You might have an exam or a job interview and you feel stressed, worried, sick. This type of anxiety tends to only happen with situations like that but it doesn't stop you living your life. What I now suffer from is a generalised anxiety disorder. Which can cause me to feel anxious about almost anything. It is not just physiological symptoms of worry but there are also physical symptoms that can make it that much scarier and harder to manage. It affects almost every decision I make about my life.

General anxiety disorder (GED) is more common that you might think, with 1 in 25 people affected. In my opinion anxiety has gone from having a lot of stigma attached and no one really talking about it, to recently becoming more featured in social media. I think that it can sometimes be glamorised a bit even though more recognition is good, it should be done in a way that highlights what a terrible illness this is and no one would ever want to go through it instead of being seen as no big deal.

After I first became ill I was in a shopping centre and started feeling very shaky, weak and hot. I thought I was going to faint, my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe properly. I was so scared because I was by myself and didn't know what was happening. That was the first time I had a panic attack. It took me a while to realise that it was anxiety that caused me to feel this way.

Personally my anxiety can be triggered mainly in social situations. Even by leaving the house. I don't go anywhere far by myself, if it involves taking a bus then I need someone to come with me. I think this is because I fear having another panic attack. Every time I have had one it has been when I am by myself in public. It has knocked my confidence to go out now. If I know I have to go somewhere I start thinking "what if" and go through all the worst possible scenarios that could happen when I go out. So before I even go out I'm already sick with worrying. When I am out in public I have an irrational fear that people are looking at me and judging me.

When I am in this anxious state, my mind is over analysing everything and I can feel very scared. My heart rate will go up and my hands will shake. I'll start sweating and feel very nauseous. I basically want to get out of the situation I'm in very quickly. I hate feeling like I'm trapped and feel claustrophobic. I can't just relax and try and enjoy what I'm doing. I don't even have to be doing anything to feel anxious but the worries I have are still at the back of my mind. Worrying about the future or about my life before I became ill, feeling like you don't have any control over your life anymore. None of it does any good, all you have control over is the right now. What you can do in that moment to help yourself tomorrow.

You can feel very lonely at times, even if you have a great support system like me. Because unless you have experienced it yourself then it is difficult for someone to understand. Like CFS, anxiety can come on suddenly and it doesn't have a quick fix. A lot of people can really suffer but are too scared to seek the help they need. You don't have to do it alone! It is easy to become stuck in coping with anxiety but you don't have to just cope with it, you can make changes to help overcome it one day. Don't let it take over and control you.

CFS does make you more susceptible to be affected by it and anxiety also makes living with chronic fatigue more difficult. I wish I could live without anxiety in my life, and one day I will hopefully get there.

My doctor suggested this site on anxiety. I think it is very helpful if your looking to understand anxiety better: http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp