Small Moments of Happiness

I have spent the last few months spending more time seeing my family and friends that I haven't spent much time with this last year when I have been feeling well enough. I managed to go to my aunties wedding which was a huge step for me. I wasn't sure how it would go, if I could even sit through the ceremony. I did last ( thankfully it was pretty quick). We went to the pub afterwards, and even though I wasn't drinking it felt nice to be more social. Unfortunately I felt the effect the day after with a severe migraine and felt very fatigued. To me it was worth the aftermath as it was a rare occasion were I was able to go out and socialise and spend some time with my family. I knew that if I had not have gone I would have to deal with feeling regretful. It was something that I knew for months that I wanted to go to, it was important for me to step out of my comfort zone and get comfortable in the uncomfortable.

My niece also turned 14 recently and we were invited round to my sisters for dinner. They live only 5 minutes away so I knew that if I was feeling unwell it was easy for me to go home when I wanted to. I was surprised though that I felt ok sitting with everyone for a couple of hours. It was really nice to watch my niece and nephew laugh and joke around with their friends. I was having a good time that I didn't think too much about how I was feeling and wanting to leave straight away. I think if you are doing something that you enjoy then you are not thinking about yourself and pay less attention to your symptoms.

It is too easy for me to give in to the illness and become more recluse, not wanting to jeopardise my current level of health. One of my biggest fears just now is my health deteriorating further again, to the point where I am bedridden, unable to even walk for 5 minutes. Any time I get a cold it brings me to tears because of the fear that I will be set back even further with my recovery. I know I need to stop thinking about going backwards and how unwell I have felt before. Each day brings new possibilities and the chance of change.

I am trying not to give in to this fear as much as I can. I accept that I am chronically ill and it is not something that will be cured my a magic pill or I will wake up one day and it will be gone. I have to decide how I want to live my life now even with this illness, it does not been that I have stopped living. My life might be considerably different now compared to a year ago, but I am still here and need to continue moving forward.

I want to be happy, which seems like the impossible sometimes when I feel so unwell. I am trying to find happiness in those around me and simple things that I enjoy doing. So that even on a day when I am feeling really unwell I can still find something to make me smile. Even if it is just watching a programme I like or playing with my dog. I hope to venture out and be more social even if I am not feeling great. I think a change of scenery would definitely to some good.

In life we should not take these small moments of happiness for granted. A lot of the time we can choose whether we are going to be happy. We can choose to see the good in people/life. We can choose to do things that we enjoy and will make us happy. We can choose to avoid people or things that are negative/stressful.

To me happiness is not one big thing but an accumulation of lots of small moments that we can treasure.